Wednesday, January 27, 2016

On not matching into a residency

I am writing from a house-converted coffee shop in Dallas! This week's trip was supposed to be for celebration. Celebrating being done with boards and matching into the program of my dreams... Big cosmic joke HA HA. My licensing exam got delayed. I didn't match into a GPR. Odontoblast (our annual dental school formal) got cancelled.

I was a messy bundle of emotions Thursday (when our licensing exam got cancelled) to Monday (received email about not matching) onward. Playing my favorite song on repeat ("Every night you cry yourself to sleep thinking: "Why does this happen to me? Why does every moment have to be so hard?") Oh, dramatic mode was turned WAY up. Then...

How soon is too soon to be vulnerable to someone new? To be completely honest with others about how hurt/sad/upset you are? Do you admit you feel like a failure or deny it or open up to being comforted and reassured? Do I say "I am totally okay." Or "yeah, I do feel awful."

Because the universe knew exactly what I need. Even the licensing exam being cancelled was a blessing in disguise... I didn't open up the "we regret to tell you" email on exam day, two fillings and a quad to go.

Instead, Monday night I went out with good friends, ate good wings, and laughed a whole lot. I haven't finished responding to Facebook messages and emails from friends who showered me in an abundance of love. I thought I had a huge circus net twenty feet below me- turns out I was tethered in a harness right there mid-air. I only had to stumble a little to see that.

So everyone, although my plan isn't one I intended on- or one that I envisioned for myself, here we go. The thing that scares me the most-working and being a real grown up, starting this chapter, I am doing it.

31 comments:

  1. So sorry to hear about your recent chain of events, however you will push through it! You have already made it this far and will be a highly qualified and successful dentist :) As a rising-D1, your blog has given me insight into life in dental school and I really appreciate your efforts. There is no doubt that you will be successful no matter what direction you go!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your sweet words! Hope your first year's been insightful & interesting.

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  2. I'm sure you will become a very capable and compassionate dentist! You have worked so hard and gone so far that this whole thing will just be another bump. Keep up with the good work and there's no doubt that you'll succeed! I also wanted to say thanks for sharing all this! Your insights and humor have definitely helped me as I'm navigating through dental school.

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    Replies
    1. :) It's all about how to deal with the bumps.

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  3. Be positive, who knows if there were other plans that could be better for you :) You'll do great :)

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  4. Hey! Im the same year as you and have been occasionally following your blog for the past few years. You should definitely check our post-match opportunities; many solid GPRs in NY have a few spots available!

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  5. It's the universe telling you that you need to start right away lol.

    ReplyDelete

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